I went back to bloggin because I might need a channel to let out some steam..
I wanna rant…rant on the things I am not or don’t have
..and here they are:
– I am not patient. I can wait forever for a friend to arrive but I am impatient when its something that needs to happen and to happen now!! Even though the reason why it hasn’t happen is I didn’t do anything to make it happen..hehehe..
– I not rational (irrational?). Not at all times, hence, the first reason.
– I don’t have a plan. Seriously, i don’t have one. I’m in my late 30s nearly Four-Oh and all I got to show for it is, Tenure! 10 years this year on the same company…whoop peee duh… short-term plans, maybe..I made some happen. but it’s the long term plans I have trouble with…which leads me to ..
– I don’t have focus. I have a bunch of stuff I wanna do and when it needs to be done and how to do it but…they’re all jumbled up inside my mind. If you look inside my mind, it might look like glop of gooh (no such word?)
– I don’t have emotion or at least right ones..I was once told that when I sing, I don’t “emote” enough..it appears flat, the audience can’t connect with me..of course, they can’t..they’re not me!!!
– i don’t have passion…the red-hot one. I might have the slight pinkish one…HAHAHAHAHA!!! I don’t know if I have one. might be same with emotion though
– I am not secure..with myself (insecure). I have a lots issue with myself (looks, weight) you name it, I probably have it.
– I am not brave.. till now I’m still afraid of the dark!! I need a night light to sleep or a light casts by the lamppost outside to sleep…I’m afraid of heights, I’m afraid of love, and responsibility of making someone else happy besides myself (selfish b?) and letting someone else control my happiness..
Hmmm….madami na…
This needs to be therapy for me, I’m writing all this down to make them concrete..so that I can do something about them.
And the reason I want to rant..because its time.
Time to let things happen.
Change needs to happen.
..and I said what?? 